The Day I Learned “Oriental” Was Offensive | A Story of Cultural Growth

I want to tell you a story I don’t often share. Not because I’m ashamed of it, but because for a long time, I didn’t realize how important it was.

It was the early 2000s. I was in my early twenties, and I’d struck up a conversation with an Asian woman. I don’t remember the exact setting, maybe a gathering, maybe just a moment in passing, but I remember the feeling. I was genuinely curious. I wanted to learn about her culture, her background, the traditions she grew up with. I’ve always been that person. The one who asks questions. The one who leans in when someone mentions a holiday I’ve never heard of or a dish I’ve never tasted.

So, there I was asking her about her heritage, and somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I used the word “oriental.”

I said it casually. Naturally. The way you’d use any word you’d grown up hearing without a second thought. It wasn’t meant to hurt. It wasn’t said with malice. In my mind, I was being respectful, I was showing interest, asking questions, trying to learn.

But I was wrong. And what happened next changed the way I see the world.

A Gentle Correction That Hit Deep

She didn’t yell. She didn’t walk away. She didn’t roll her eyes or make me feel small.

She simply paused, looked at me, and said something I’ll never forget:

That was it. No lecture. No anger. Just a quiet, graceful correction from someone who could see that my heart was in the right place, even if my words weren’t.

And honestly? I felt the ground shift under me. Not in a dramatic way. In a deeper way. Because in that moment, I realized something uncomfortable: I had been walking through the world thinking I understood things I didn’t.

I’d used a word I’d heard my entire life. A word I’d seen on products, on restaurant signs, in everyday conversation. I never questioned it. I never thought to question it. And that was the real lesson, not just that the word was wrong, but that I hadn’t known enough to know it was wrong.

What That Moment Taught Me

I could have gotten defensive. A lot of people do. When someone tells you that something you’ve said is offensive, the instinct is to protect yourself. To say, “I didn’t mean it that way.” To make it about your intention instead of their experience.

But something in me chose to listen instead.

I learned that you can offend someone while genuinely trying to learn about their culture. Those two things can exist at the same time. Your good intentions don’t erase the impact of your words. And the only way to close that gap between intention and impact is to be humble enough to admit what you don’t know.

I learned to ask more questions than I assumed answers.

I learned that what you were taught isn’t always what’s true, and that unlearning can be just as valuable as learning.

And most importantly, I learned that cultural appreciation isn’t about already knowing everything. It’s about being willing to get it wrong, hear the correction, and grow from it.

Why I’m Telling You This

That conversation planted a seed in me that took years to fully grow. It made me start paying attention. Paying attention to the words I used. Paying attention to the cultures around me that I’d been walking past without really seeing. Paying attention to the fact that there is culture everywhere; in the food I ate, in the neighborhoods I drove through, in the music I listened to, in the people I passed every single day.

And it made me ask a question that changed everything: What if there was a place where people could come together to learn, explore, and celebrate the cultures around them, without fear of judgment?

That’s what Cultural Appreciation is.

It’s not built on the idea that I have all the answers. It’s built on the belief that none of us do, and that’s exactly the point. We grow when we’re curious. We connect when we’re humble. We become better when we choose understanding over assumption.

To the Person Reading This

Maybe you’ve had your own moment like mine. Maybe you’ve said the wrong thing while trying to do the right thing. Maybe you’ve felt that sting of realizing you didn’t know what you thought you knew.

That’s okay. That’s actually beautiful.

Because that moment of discomfort? That’s the doorway. That’s where growth lives. And on the other side of it is a deeper understanding of the people around you, a richer experience of the world, and a version of yourself that’s a little more thoughtful than the day before.

I’m grateful to that woman. I never got her name. But she gave me something that day that I’ve carried for over twenty years. She didn’t shut me down. She opened a door. And I’ve been walking through it ever since.

There is culture everywhere. Let’s appreciate it — together.

— Kenyatta

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